Four Commitments to Honor This Valentine's Day, Suggested by a Psychologist
Valentine's Day might be a jarring reminder for many singles, perpetuating the idea that relationship-hood is the pinnacle of living. But society's age-old narrative of finding solace in love, marriage, and family isn't everyone's reality. In fact, love, whether self-love or affection towards others, isn't a fixed destination. It's a journey, an unfolding that varies for every individual. Some find it in passions, others in pets, nature, or deep friendships.
Be it newly single, healing, or still seeking, there's one constant: you. This Valentine's, make four promises to yourself, remembering that you are your longest and deepest commitment.
1. Promise to Be Gentle with Yourself
Valentine's Day can trigger a deluge of emotions—loneliness, nostalgia, even self-doubt. It's easy to scrutinize your past relationships, hold regret, or wonder where you 'fit in.' But self-compassion is not a mere suggestion. It's a necessity. Embrace being single, for it's far more prevalent than we think. The U.S. Census Bureau in 2023 reported that nearly half of the adult population, approximately 117.6 million Americans, are unmarried. For millions, life thrives without a partner, defying societal pressures.
A study published in Social and Personality Psychology Compass suggests that highly self-compassionate individuals experience less stress and anxiety. Self-compassion diminishes self-criticism and helps people navigate struggles with emotional balance, easing their burden.
Here's how to foster self-compassion:
- Talk to yourself as a friend. Challenge self-doubt with kindness, reframing thoughts to promote care.
- Employ self-compassion affirmations. Instead of "love isn't for me," shift to "every relationship teaches valuable lessons, cherishing the good and growing from the rest."
- Interrupt the cycle with grounding activities, focusing on self-connection.
2. Promise to Set Boundaries
Healthy relationships flourish with cultivated boundaries. They safeguard against burnout, resentment, and self-neglect. However, a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology revealed that the fear of being single may discourage individuals from setting boundaries.
This fear may result in settling for less and a lower likelihood to end unsatisfying or unhealthy relationships. Embrace boundaries to recollect yourself, ensuring you're in a relationship out of love, not fear.
3. Promise to Practice Self-Care without Restraint
Self-care isn't an afterthought and certainly shouldn't be a luxury. Young adults who voluntarily embrace singledom report higher emotional and psychological well-being, lower romantic loneliness, and lower negative emotions[5].
Singledom allows you to prioritize yourself without compromise, paving the way for all forms of self-care. Whether it's physical, emotional, social, or creative self-care, do not fear indulgence. Your happiness matters, just as it does in the context of a relationship.
4. Promise to Indulge Freely
Small, guilt-free pleasures contribute to long-term well-being. Research indicates that positive emotions boost life satisfaction, building resilience and enhancing emotional adaptability[6]. Indulge without judgment, pamper yourself, and treat each small joy as an act of self-love.
This Valentine's, cherish yourself, your resilience, your growth, and your ability to be whole without a relationship. Embrace Valentine's Day as a day to celebrate the rate at which you've grown, the lessons you've learned, and the love you cultivate within yourself.
- Promise to Explore Online Therapy as a Self-Care Tool Online therapy can be a valuable resource for self-care, providing a safe and confidential space to address the emotional challenges that come with being single. Studies have shown that online therapy can be just as effective as traditional in-person therapy, and it offers the convenience of being able to access therapy from the comfort of your own home.
- Promise to Rewrite Your Narrative of Singlehood The narrative you tell yourself about being single can greatly impact your self-perception and emotions. Challenge the belief that singlehood is something to be feared or avoided, and instead, rewrite your narrative to focus on the positives and possibilities of being single.
- Promise to Stay True to Yourself in Relationships Even if you do eventually enter into a relationship, it's important to remain true to yourself and your boundaries. Don't lose sight of who you are in the pursuit of love, and don't compromise your values or beliefs to fit into someone else's idea of a perfect partner. Embrace your uniqueness and stay open to the possibility of finding someone who loves and respects you for who you are.
